Dear Kaitlin,
I recently shot a wedding and the entire wedding party was overly intoxicated by 2 pm. We were trying to do formal shots and no one could even stand up straight. No one was listening to my directions. They would not stay where I placed them etc. The bride was FURIOUS and yelling and by the end of it, everyone was mad. I just tried to keep my cool and kept directing them on the poses and shots I was trying to get.
My question is: Have you been through this in the past? If so, how did you handle it?
– Seeking Sober Encounters
Boy oh boy…where to start with this one!?!?!? hmmmm….(sipping coffee contimplating the route to take on this one….sip, sip….GOT IT!)
OK…first and foremost…as a photographer we must be a jack of many trades (artist, lighting guru, pack mule–hey carrying all those stands and lenses are HEAVY), we also must wear many hats on wedding day (time keeper, planner, photographer, dress fixer, etc). HOWEVER… and this is a HUGE “HOWEVER”….
WE. ARE. NOT. BABYSITTERS. MOMMIES. DADDIES. LAW ENFORCEMENT. OR AA ADVISORS! WE ARE THERE FOR THE BRIDE AND GROOM AND WE ARE PAID TO DO OUR ALREADY VERY INTRICATE AND RESPONSIBILITY PACKED JOBS:
I.E. DOCUMENTING A WEDDING DAY!
As a professional, it is important to remember to why you are present at someones wedding day that goes beyond a signed contract and a cashed check. We are there because 2 people have placed their WHOLE HEARTED TRUST in us to do our very best to document their once in a life time of days. We are there to capture every beautiful, emotion packed moment that they can look back on for generations to come.
Every bride. Every Groom. Every wedding is unique. As professional wedding photographers we come across a lot of different people and personalities. Usually in the consult stages (which is why they are so important to meet your clients before the big day) you are made aware of the overall VIBE of the day that is to be expected.
For example…I know some of my brides are tough cookies…meaning..they are sure to have a conversation with all the groomsmen before the big day forewarning a death sentence if they don’t behave for her treasured pictures. Other brides of mine simply say…”Good luck with those guys…they are a tough bunch.” Now see…because of MY PERSONALITY…my brides trust that I can handle a rough bunch of groomsmen….jokesters if you will…but its also because I EDUCATE my brides on what I WILL AND WILL NOT do to get the shots I need on Wedding Day. I am not anyones mother and I certainly am not going to smack anyones hinny’s or punish them to get cooperation. I will do only what I have promised and that is that.
So lets recap some helpful tips to first AVOID any possibilty of dealing with problematic/intoxicated guests:
1. BE PREPARED TO DO ALL THAT YOU CAN TO GET THE SHOT, BUT NO MORE.
-Meaning…don’t put yourself in an uncomfortable or possibly unprofessional situation to obtain a shot. Do what you know how to and have been trained to as a professional. Thats all you can do!
2. EDUCATE.
– Meaning- If you are not a forceful type…one that can handle a rougher crowd, maybe project your voice, have incredible social skills that can handle a silly bunch…YOU NEED TO SAY SOMETHING NOW. If you are willing to step in TO AN EXTENT…you need to tell your bride what you are comfortable doing in this type of situation. Truthfully…every bride I talk to says, “Just come get me…I will handle it…or I will kill them.” Hehehe My brides don’t mess around with their images. They allow a certain amount of time for “silly” images and then the rest of the time…its GO time for stunning images she can show her grandchildren. Catch my drift?!!?!
Moving forward….and probably more to answer your question….what if they are already at the “drunk” point and taking formals has become downright impossible? Ok….first and foremost here….I can answer this with one word: CONTRACT!
If you do not have a clause for this in your contract, get one! I have a portion of my contract going over this exact issue and even going on to state that not only am I not responsible for missed images due to intoxicated Bridal Party members or guests, but I am also NOT responsible for any damage that may come of any of my gear/equipment during the exectution of a wedding due to an alcohol related accident. (I.e. Spilling drinks on my camera, knocking over light stands due to stumbling/falling, an injury I or my assistants sustain due to violent behavior, etc.)
Contracts should be your TOP PRIORITY in terms of C.Y.A. on wedding day. Yes, weddings are so so sooooo much more than money and paperwork…but folks…at the end of the day…as professional photographers….this is a BUSINESS. This is YOUR business. You need to set realistic expectations, guidelines and RULES within your business. YOU ARE THE BOSS. You are responsible for a LOT more than taking pretty pictures. So act like it.
If the Bridal Party is unmanageable, I would recommend pulling the bride and groom aside (God willing they are the sober ones), Mother/Father of the bride and groom, and anyone that can help get the day back on track if your authority over the situation is being overlooked. You are not supposed to be in a position where you have to scream, yell, or shout at anyone to get them to “smile for the birdie.” YOU ARE IN THE POSITION to be the professional you are, take control over the situation the best that you can, get through the pictures as soon as possible and possibly pull aside someone that has more authority/say over the day. (In my “wedding guide” I send out in my bridal packet…I have them fill out the names of the coordinator, MIL, FIL, MOB, FOB, MOH, BM, and one extra person they trust on their big day should annnnything go wrong)
So again, lets recap:
3. CONTRACT.
-Meaning- MAKE ONE. HAVE ONE. SIGN ONE. HAVE THEM SIGN ONE. Make sure it has a section that covers this! Ask your lawyer…he/she will help with this!!! It is 100% worth it!!
4. REQUEST APPOINTED RESPONSIBLE PERSON ON WEDDING DAY.
-Meaning- Have your bride appoint 1-3 people you can go to on wedding day if anything goes wrong or you need assistance with anything. No, this doesn’t make you look like you are not competent or professional…in fact it makes you look the exact opposite because you are thinking ahead of time and covering your HINNY and quite frankly…looking out for THEIRS!
Has this ever happened to me? Maybe not to the extent you seemed to have suffered through my love…but I do have a lovely story about a VERY intoxicated videographer who tried to hit me in the face after spitting on me, yelling in my face, on the dance floor, and was THROWN out by a fleet of groomsmen/marines. LOL….thats for another day though. HOLY DRAMATIC! LOL
I truthfully advise you to interview your clients as much as they are interviewing you. If you get the vibe that they, their wedding, their vision, expectations, etc are not yours…ITS OKAY TO SAY NO! That does NOT make you a bad person. It makes you a smart one. If you educate your brides about who you are, how you shoot, what you shoot and what you will and will not do….AND you have it backed up in a contract…then there is really nothing else you can do. Stay classy, professional, and do the job you were hired to do.
I hope this helps even in the slightest and again I am sorry you had to have such a bad experience at a wedding. Shame on them for acting like that and disrespecting the day and most importantly, the BRIDE AND GROOM!
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