I want to get lost. Lost in time. Lost in my thoughts and dreams. Lost in laughter, in tears.

I want to fall and fail and flee. I don’t want to stand still. I want to be breathless. I want to push the limits, push past the edge of fear.

I want to be heard. Noticed. Remembered.

I want to live with recklessness at times. No regrets. No consequences.

And I do. I really do. Every time I hold my camera. I do. I really do!

There are some days, mainly weekends, where if I do not have a wedding, I feel trapped. I feel like somehow, a few days off sends me flying backwards. Not one step. But a million steps backwards.

Its hard to admit. Its hard to be this honest. This vulnerable. But its the truth. And the truth is not always the easiest, but it is the best. Its freeing.

No matter how long one is in this industry, comparison is a constant battle. “They are busier than I am…I wish I was here, there and everywhere. They are more successful, going more places (figuratively and literally). If I could just do this or that, if I could just go here or there….I’d make it.”

We all want more. More. More. Being satisfied with what we have seems like an easy thing, but it serves to be one of the biggest challenges for creatives. For artists. We must continue to create. Criticize. And per-fect. A deathly creative circle.

So, getting lost, lost in all of it. Holding my camera as my palm forms ever so naturally upon the grip, its the best feeling in the world. An addictive one. It makes me happy in a way no one thing or person can. I feel guilty having so much of my happiness wrapped up in to one hobby, one passion. But truthfully, without this passion I can lose myself in, I fear I would be lost in all areas of my life. Being a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister. They are not always easy roles, but the role I take on as a photographer is a role that I myself create. Enforce. Per-fect to my standards.

Its not bad to be addicted to your craft…your art, especially when its a part of you. But remember, getting lost in order to recreate yourself and better yourself is the ultimate goal your after. Being lost for the sake of not liking yourself or being so lost while seeking another’s level of success is NOT the type of lost you want.

So get lost. Lost in yourself and your art….NOT lost in anothers’ life, path or journey. I fear that losing yourself in another dreams is a scary place to be.

Want more for yourself. Appreciate the more you achieve along the way. Strive for YOUR perfection, not others. And go ahead, get lost in that feeling, its a great one!

XOXO, Kaitlin Noel